i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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