She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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