Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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