Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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