Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
