the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my shit smells like andre
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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