u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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