dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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