omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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