brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
