you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
