if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
