I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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