sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
