It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
