You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
