I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
