Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
