we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
