Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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