remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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