Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
