Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
