Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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