im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
