Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
