Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize