I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
