We're like a lot better than the average bears
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
