it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
