i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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