i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
