I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
