Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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