I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
