god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
this is an emotional support booty call
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
