so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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