My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
