you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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