last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
