I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
