Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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