something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
