if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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