my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
