whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
