Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
