I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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