Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
