The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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