Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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